New Year’s Resolutions; A Different Approach
Over the years, I have made many New Year’s resolutions and broken most of them. As I mature in age, I have decided to take a different approach in hopes of improving my “kept over broken” resolution ratio. Don’t ask me to explain because practicing math facts and reviewing fifth grade fractions did not make my 2026 New Year’s resolutions cut list.
My new approach, make resolutions that reduce the inconvenience my old guy habits cause others and thereby, improve the lives of those around me. Since my mature mind still can remember three items that I need to pick up at the store, here are my three resolutions aimed at changing the world.
Follow Proper Airline Protocols
My apologies to anyone working or flying in an airport I've been in over the last couple of years. To the TSA Officers, I resolve not to wear boots that take forever to untie and wear pants that fit when I take my belt off then find out I didn’t need to do either. I also promise not to pack in my carryon the scissors I use to trim my nose, ear, and eyebrow hairs. To my fellow passengers, I will try and line up with my group (normally 8 or 9) and not hover in the first class preferred line. When I find my middle seat, I resolve not to get up to go to the bathroom before take-off. I really don’t need to go, but once the flight attendant gives the no lining up instructions, I panic. Last thing I want in my life right now is to be told that I am noncompliant with airline bathroom procedures. I already have a fear of blue water. That fear will need to wait for 2027 resolutions.
Keep Up to Date with Technology
To folks working out in the gym, I didn’t mean to creep you out. I thought you were being friendly and talking to me when I said hello and asked your name. Now I find out from my grandson, you were talking to someone else on your cell phone with something called ear buds. It won’t again happen in 2026, so you can take me off the no gym list. Also, according to my granddaughter I need to stop answering calls that I think are special offers on a case of my favorite breakfast meat and learn how to order fast food at the kiosk. Again, apologies to the hungry patrons in the line behind me as I clicked the start over button for the third time.
Conquer My Fear of Backing Up
My fear of death has been taken over by my fear of backing my car up. I never was a great driver. There is a phrase that no 16-year-old wants to hear from the examiner after taking their behind the wheel test in front of their mom. “He will need to spend some more time practicing driving with you. He missed a yield sign and made a left hand turn from the far-right hand lane.”
I eventually passed my driver’s test and now treat yield signs like stop signs and just avoid making left hand turns all together. When the grandkids ask why I am going out of my way, I blame it on the GPS. That’s why I always keep it on silent.
Backing up is another story. I will tolerate the passenger complaints and pass up a close parking spot to find one with no vehicles close. Also, according to bystanders, I always have tires touching one line. Once more, apologies to drivers that want my parking spot. I know, it seems like an eternity between when you observe my backup lights on and when I inch my way back, along with taking multiple attempts to clear the front bumper of the car next to me. I resolve to actually use the back-up camera instead of sticking my head out the window.
I hope everyone, regardless of age, makes and keeps resolutions focused on consideration and caring for others. That’s what I call a Happy New Year!